fear

I dont fear risk,
rejection Or failure
Judgment or comparison
I dont fear Illness, death or dying
I dont fear time Or lack thereof
I dont fear being alone
Or being in love
I dont fear Asking for help or
receiving it, I dont fear opening up,
Or shutting down.
I don’t fear my past or my future
My dreams
Or nightmares
I dont fear Pleasure Or pain
Success or solitude
The only thing i fear Is
holding myself back
From reaching my full potential.
The only thing i fear,
Is me.

Let me explain:
First we fall + then we feel. And i’m not afraid to jump. As i lean in + let go, i learn more about myself, the deeper depths of my mental makeup, the strength of my mind, and the extent to which i internalize. I have always identified with struggle more than success, with fight more than flow, it is hard work for me to liv young. But i’m up for the challenge, because i see myself. My beauty + my breakdown. And also why i share so much of me, to humanize this experience that social media has covered with smoke + mirrors, to wilfully declare that we are all here to see + be seen, to feel + be felt. It is the messy parts of life, the vulnerability, the honesty that is sexy. The hard work that goes into success + struggles of everyday life. And thru sharing, in real time, i shift my perspective, to practice what i preach, to embrace all of me, as i flowthruthefight. The secret is to make it all look easy, sure. But if it was easy, we’d all be billionaires + beautiful + all the rest of the bullshit we double tap on instagram.

So lets talk fear.
I am afraid of myself.
I am naturally dark. Overwhelmingly resilient. I will be the last man standing, not to prove to anyone else but myself that i can. Letting things be “easy” without force, to flow thru the fight is my biggest challenge -- and why i started box + flow. Because the physicality of the workout, brought me ease. Hitting a heavy bag, the cathartic release of breath energy resistance strength and power shows me that I can --- feel my own power. i am here, i am alive. And it also proves how much i hold onto - the same power that i use to hold myself back.And with that resistance, when there is no ease, i deprive myself of the freedom I liv by, i lose the fun. i get stuck. My willpower works against me,
My heart gets caught up in my head.
My feelings get hurt,
I get in my own way.
But the only one to dig me out of the hole i put myself into, is me.
So i move. I run to fight + flow my fear of self, away.
To sweat the layers holding me back, to reconnect to me - my body, my breath, to let go.
That hard work allows me to livyoung. to face my darkness, to see and share my light.
To shift my perspective -- from fearing me to feeling me, my messy as sexy. My beauty in my breakdown. My fear is what brought box + flow to life.

Sharing myself means seeing myself. Being so open pushes me to fuel my life, with inquiry and connection, building relationships, business, lifting others to lift myself, fueling my body + otherwise. But in darkness, it is when i feel most. A cloud sweeps over me, not of complacency or concern, but of stuckness.
I firmly believe we fuel our lives or fill our time. Autopilot ON or Autopilot OFF. And when my autopilot is on, and i am merely existing instead of living my fullest, i start to fill - my body, my thoughts, my time -- with pointless meetings, or disconnection, dating apps or one too many drinks, sugar + deep sleep. And then Dark thoughts not deeply rooted in anything, just a notion of heavy energy, a dark cloud that hovers. I have often been asked how i started my business or when i decided to end an abusive relationship, etc. and my only response is, “i just did.”

And with that power + conviction, with my strength that is my workhard ethic, the same power holds true for my darkness. Because i am in control of my power, Strong enough to propel me forward to liv free + liv full, and stronger even to hold me back -- To induce my own failure.
it is both a blessing + a curse. To be so self aware, to knowingly have the power to push forth or hold back. But I’m up for the challenge --- physically mentally spiritually emotionally, the hard work to To livyoung, to find balance within, to love myself.

And as for finding love? I know that one morning, my eyes will open way too early, my body heavy in soft sheets, my head will roll over onto puffy pillows and sigh softly into the ear of the man who loves me.
Because i know that Love will find me when i am ready and
Life will meet me as it does everyday and
Success will always be challenging for me to define, as my greatest fan + harshest critic,
Because My only i fear is
me.

#workhard #livyoung