indecision

Indecision is an ailment.
There is power in choice.
My past was plagued with indecision.
But finding presence has helped me mute that monster. 
Yet as in all things, we ebb + flow in + out of confidence + insecurity,
yes + no, i can + i cant, disconnection + connection...The see-saw of life: Human nature, if you will.

Last night i was awakened by indecisive thoughts.
and a silly photo, (above), was my catalyst, nonetheless -
but it wasn't the photo that left me restless, it was the indecision around such a simple decision -- a tell tale sign of something deeper.
I woke up to run. Craving quiet to settle my restless mind.
Running to reconnect to everything I have + all that i don’t.
Leaving everything behind except last nights mascara dripping down my face, puddles of sweat pouring thru layers of clothing, stripping away anxious thoughts - shedding my indecision.
No phone, music, step tracker or calorie counter. No text messages or time. No distraction. Distance unknown, just as far away as necessary to rid myself of indecision + return right back to clarity.
Pace over race, carried by my body, led by my heart, connected to the streets and accompanied by the sweet smell of yesterday’s shampoo - musky molton brown + moroccan oil, muted by fresh weed + hot garbage.

I ran to yoga, to speed up + slow down.
At age 15, yoga gave me the freedom to feel at a time when i craved feeling most. See i grew up in a home where love was abundant but feelings weren’t shared.
Physical expression literally forced me to feel. The physical opened me up to the mental, the moving meditation.
Feeling gave me freedom from my restless mind.
I run fast to slow down, to rise + fall as my breath fills + empties. 
I twist to wring out the old + make space for the new. All the way into final forward fold,
i bow down to surrender,
Into decision
Into clarity
Into me.

As humans we are gifted the freedom to feel, right vs. wrong. Pleasure + pain. If we release ourselves from indecision. We find power in choice.
Power in the freedom to feel.
#workhard #livyoung