Birthday Reflections

I’m feeling super reflective because today is my birthday. Mine + Barak Obama’s. And because Sundays are reflective, no? It’s been a toughAF year. Harsh but full of hope. Lots of lessons, good ones too. And I’m still here. I was feeling pretty ungrateful the last few weeks. Built up birthday anxiety – Revealing itself in self-pity, and a little bit of pain, fixating on all that I don’t, instead of all that I do, and have done. All fight, no flow.
I felt stuck. Can you relate? It took a punch of perspective to snap out of my woe is me way. We are how we speak to ourselves. Let’s choose our words wisely.

It’s tough to see ourselves + to give ourselves credit. I’m all about the self-love, but there’s lots of self-loathing in there too. Harshest critic + biggest fan. Forever seeking balance in both. My biggest conflict: What is enough?

I can wake up and run 10 miles. Work 16-hour days. Run a company solo. Cook a pretty damn good meal. I’ve managed to stay alive in a bootstrapped business, in an oversaturated market, fueled purely by word of mouth. I’ve grown my team, my space, my schedule + not to mention my Sales over 100% Year to date. I’m opening space two. I finally have a business partner, a team, people I trust. I’m making my dreams come true. Rather, I’m letting them happen. No forcing. No fear.

I’ve managed to be vulnerable in relationships. Spill my soul, open my heart. Get bruised. Break down. And pick me up. And I’m still here. Healthy. Thriving, actually. Surrounded by love. Friends, family, Colleagues, the universe. What do I have to be sad about? Nothing. Lonely, sure. But that’s part of the human experience. Stuck? nah. Just needing sporadic reminders that I got what I need. I like who I am. I want what I have. Do I want more? Sure. Don’t we all? But that’s what pushes me forward. It Fuels my fire. It doesn’t hold me back. Gratitude is the way to growth. My birthday wish, for us all is gratitude…as a choice. For where we are. For who we are. For what we have.

Why am I sharing? Because we get so caught up in what we want, we lose sight of what we have. We fixate on where we’re going, and forget where we are. We worry about the to dos and fail to recognize what we’ve done. On birthdays especially.
My promise, to me, is to keep moving forward.
I believe every year we grow into a better version of ourselves, if we are honest within.
If we listen to our intuition, Follow our hearts. Lead with integrity. Connect to our communities and build relationships that matter, starting with our relationship to self.

My 32nd year brought lots of introspection, Lessons so loud I couldn’t ignore their truth.

I learned self-love and understanding. I embraced my body, turned my confidence on and took my clothes off. It took me 32 years 2 glasses of wine and 2 semi naked photo shoots to see my body, to feel sexy in my skin. Without judgement. I was so proud, I had to share me! Sharing it was me embracing This vessel as a result of All the hard work I put in, Much more than physical but spiritual, nutritional, mental, emotional.

At 32, I confronted my lonely. Surrounded by many but often feeling so alone. A sentiment most can relate to. I realized just recently that I use social media to cope. To fill that void. Instagram, my blog, is how I share my truth– it gives me someone, (7000 someones) to share with. Albeit sometimes simple: A new snack, a sweaty selfie, a good outfit, a new recipe. It also showed me that I’d rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship that makes me feel lonely. I’ve done that. It hurts deeper.

At 32, I embraced being a Boss. It took me 2 years in business to take charge and not let myself get taken for a fool, by disobedient employees, lying contractors or otherwise. Ironic, considering I’m Self funded, creator, founder, teacher – wearing all the hats, and playing so many roles. I am definitely the boss. It feels good.

I’ve realized that,
1. Nothing changes if nothing changes ---
2. People reveal themselves quickly. Watch. Listen. Learn.
3. It is not your responsibility to fix other people’s broken. First, Fix your own.
4. Time does heal all. If you let it. If you make space for healing.

Agenda for 33? More content! A podcast, a book, more recipes! More snacks! A bigger business, a leotard line, a bigger team, a bigger life. More family, happiness, fun. More love! Laughter, lust + trust. Living, not existing. Working hard to liyoung. To love myself. To learn myself. To show myself and keep sharing. I’d like to get to know more of you. Lets celebrate always, and not shy away from all of the effort, and the ease, along the way. #balance.