Judgment
Judgment always comes from within. So, when you look upon others and your mind goes to a dark place, consider looking within. How do you see yourself?
Me? I’m just here to share. TO See. Be seen. I use the world wide web as a tool to promote the way I LIVe, the balance that I seek, the business I own, the life that I love. I use it as a method to give inspiration + get inspiration and sometimes to just get out of my own way. But I don’t use it to get stuck in someone else’s story. And sometimes I just use it to manage my lonely. Not for validation or approval. Just to connect deeper.
I’ve come to accept that you can’t win them all. But I refuse to skate on the surface. So if i can’t please everyone - might as well please myself! I post photos for me. I don’t alter pictures or rehearse videos. I film fitness videos off the cuff. 2 takes, max. I wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time by filming me fighting or flipping more than twice. My videos are a peak in. My captions are the value. I say what I mean, mean what I say or say nothing. I don’t read questions before panels or research first dates. I don’t pre-plan what I’ll say or script out conversations. I hope my stories are relatable.
We’re all human. When judgements come at me, I welcome them, because it lets me learn a bit about you :) --- You know, the DM’s that advise working on my form from those who don’t practice — footwork! That’s not yoga. Too fat! Too skinny! You wore that? You eat that? You did that? Are you really that positive? Dating diaries -- You’re too much. Not enough. Etc. And laugh, In fear of what you say to yourself! Really though, Who hurt you?!
I’ll never forget the things I’ve heard. They no longer affect me, but at the time - they sure did.
1. Varsity Tennis Team 7th grade, I poured a bottle of water out the bus window, which naturally sprayed back all over the bus in the next open window. Coach Skip berated me in front of both the Boys + Girls Varsity Teams. I was 12. “WHAT ARE YOU STUPID? YOU WILL NEVER GET INTO COLLEGE!” Ok Coach Skip. I heard you. And I’ll never forget how you made me feel. But I think I’m doing just fine.
2. In 8th grade, my crush called me the budweiser blimp. That serious spiral of insecurity. He didn’t cause it. But he validated it. Funny. I wasn’t fat.
3. Last year I casually dated a man. We had an incredible physical connection - stronger than I had ever experienced. After we slept together he said, Wow - I didn’t think you’d be so confident in bed. Initially i took it as a compliment. and then it sunk in. what a dig! what made you think i’d be insecure? And if it was a compliment, he sure found a way to frame it with ego. Little did he know, i wasn’t there to please him, but to please myself :). No matter, his comment showed his insecurity, not mine. Hey hot stuff, who told you, you weren’t good enough? Cause I definitely know that I AM.
Full circle, I’m no longer am affected by the noise because I’ve chosen to be open and use my experiences as healing not hurting. And today I’ve collected my stories as part of me, and transitioned them into vulnerability, into hope, not hurt. I’m open. And when you open — judgement, comes often, all of it, the good, bad and ugly. Which is why so many HIDE behind their hurt. Because it is “safer” to hide who we “really” are, – behind a one dimensional façade or not sharing at all, For fear of being seen. Forget social media, I’m talking about real life. Living on the surface, not sharing, feelings, desires, connections, eye contact! Just playing safe – in fear of judgement. But the safe space is no fun at all!
But the judgment always comes from somewhere. If it is coming from you, Listen.
How do you speak to yourself? How do you see yourself?
Good enough? Or not enough?
What if, You take a moment to celebrate who you are, and find space around your heart for who you’re not.
What if you open up to both seeing clearly + being seen. Not hiding or holding back.
Your energy dictates your experience. Real always sees real. And connection begins within. #flowthruthefight
#workhard #livyoung #loveyourself