My Take on Austin, TX & Why A Good Cry is a Good Thing
I’m often asked, “Do you like Austin?” particularly by those curious about making change, or who acknowledge the "big" changes I've made. (Thank you. I try to #flowthruthefight … find ease through transitions in my life).
When I moved here January 27, 2021, (more here + here) my life was burning — literally everything was exploding around me, yes, the business I’d devoted 24/7 for 4+ years but more so my entire definition of self and life story. I was suffering deeply internally, but the little voice inside spoke to me and said Move to Austin and so I trusted myself enough to listen. I had no family here, knew one or two people who lived here, had only been here twice prior, but I took the leap.
Walking through my favorite grocery store Central Market on Friday, a wave of love came over me, surfing the seafood aisle … I love grocery stores, especially this one -- where samples are king cab + filet mignon. As I climbed back in my car, I paused and felt the love fill me … "Do you like Austin?" -- and my answer was yet again clear --
I like myself in Austin.
continue reading, here.
Our internal world reflects our external. There was nothing wrong with New York City, Miami Beach, Boston … all beautiful cities, but who I’ve been in those cities wasn’t always clear to me. As I’ve learned myself to love myself more, my external world reflects that world inside of me. When you learn to love yourself fully — it doesn’t matter where you are, because there is love everywhere, home isn't where but WHO you are. And so I’ve found gratitude in this moment, in this breath, in this body, in this city — because I’m here.
Does it always feel that easy? No.
But when you do hard things over and over again, you train yourself to realize you’re strong enough to carry it and soft enough to let it go, to #flowthruthefight. No matter what, you have your own back and if you have your own back, it doesn’t matter Where you have it. Because you never give up on you.
After pushing myself physically Sundaym, hard — running faster than I’ve ran in months pre a turf workout called “Blackout,” and finishing first, in competition with only me to remember how strong I am — I found myself on my couch around 4pm crying, really crying, on Mothers Day. I’m so lucky to have an incredible mother and I celebrate her always, AND my tears were about me. I was grieving the mother I have not yet had the opportunity to be. I let the tears flow freely to release the energy I don’t want stuck in me. We have to feel it to heal it.
And case in point, no -- just because I love me in Austin, and I held myself in my feelings, doesn't mean "its" always easy.
My Dad called just as I wiped my tears, as if he felt my energy — and for 25 minutes he listened, heard and comforted me. It’s just love. When we got off the phone, I put on my sneakers, took a walk to grocery shop (which I never do, prefer driving), to return from my heavy heart back into my body — from pain back to love, knowing that I have love if I have me. And my internal world reflects externally.
And because I have my own back, I don’t get stuck in self loathing, instead find gratitude for being Alive. The human experience is layered — but pain is what separates us from truly, loving. And so I share openly knowing I’m not alone in any of these feelings, neither are you. But when you lead with love you never get lost. Wherever you are, find that love within you — which means acknowledging the pain, too, the darkness (sad, lonely, scared, insecure, or otherwise) to find your love and your light -- No matter where you are.
Yet, Self love is a true act of rebellion — society tells us otherwise, that we need this product to make us skinny or pretty, or to look like them or travel here or do this to get rich quick because we’re inadequate. Well, I’ve always much preferred rebellion to normalcy. “Only dead fish go with the flow,” and Everything We Need is Inside.
I’m launching my Learn You to Love You Workshop soon — an online (and in person) Self Love & Intimacy Event,
in-to-me- see, Because our self love reflects externally. Through stillness (guided meditation), free write journaling, using the voice, re-embodying the body, you will use what you have — to channel what is already inside of you.It’s just love. The workshop will be 90 minutes and is about a month away. If you’d like to make sure you’re on the list, reply here — I am only opening limited spots as it will be a very intimate container. All are welcome. I urge you to join. You will leave with tools that will set you more free … To trust, surrender and receive. Reply here and / or stay tuned for more info.
Please join me. I love you all, Olivia